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Dear Friends,
On May 11th I was driving up to Massachusetts to sit a retreat. It was raining and misty, I was on I-91N at the intersection in Hartford when I was involved in a hideous accident. It all happened so fast - a car went into me from the rear and the next thing I knew my engine was coming at me as I plunged into the car in front. A car then went into the car that had rear-ended me and another came into the passenger side of my car. It was dreadful.
There were five cars involved - all five had to be towed away, mine and the car behind me were completely crushed but miraculously no one was seriously injured. I sustained just a small fracture in my right hand and a bruising of my sternum where the airbag deployed and thumped me in the chest. When I got out of my car and saw what a wreck it was, I felt it was nothing less than a miracle that I didn't sustain a broken back or that I was even alive. Most definitely the seatbelt and airbag saved me.
When the adjustor went to the towing place to examine the damage he reported that my Toyota had acted just as it should have done - it crumpled around me and protected me.
One of the things that struck me at the scene was that everyone got out of their car and no one was saying, "You bloody idiot....etc." Everyone was concerned for the other, asking if each other was alright. And I don't know why it came to me but I was reflecting moments after it all happened on how many people would get phone calls that day to inform them that loved ones had died in car wrecks on the highways or had been killed in Iraq or some other way.
The scene on the highway was a complete mess - traffic was backed up for 20 miles, squeezed into one lane as it passed us - it was one of those wrecks you see on the highway which strikes terror, compassion and a host of other emotions within you. However, there was one moment of humor: of course there were officials all over the place - fire trucks, police, towing vehicles, ambulances, and then a very tall state trooper arrived, I presumed he was the chief or something; he was wearing a long yellow slicker and the tall Smokey-the-Bear hat - he comes striding through all the metal carnage - doors hanging off, glass all over the road - cars turned around and crushed and he says, "Alright, alright, how many times have I told you, you can't park here?"
We were about two hours standing on the highway getting all the paperwork sorted out - it was rather Dickensian, gloomy, raining, chilly. The accident was considered not to be my fault so my insurance kicked in and provided me with a rental car which I collected at the towing place where I had to remove all my stuff from the wreck and transfer it into the new car. I then continued on my journey up to Massachusetts about another 60 miles.
I held it all together until I got there. Then I just fell apart and went into total shock. I was completely numb for about four days. I could hardly get out of bed, I went into shut-down mode but when I was sitting on my cushion the mind would continually go to the impact. It was the impact which was the horror, the suddeness of it all, the noise, the violence - it was truly dreadful.
I've never been in an accident before - and goodness I hope I never am again. I drove myself back down from the retreat 3-weeks later and then I drove to upstate New York the following weekend, so I feel alright behind the wheel, however, I have to admit I'm a little jumpy - hope it all smoothes over - I'm sure it will take time.
After the visions of the impact died down, the rest of the retreat was amazing - maybe one day I'll enter about another car incident I had while I was away, but not now.
It was a lovely time of year to be in Massachusetts, the long summer evenings were so delicate and evoked a lot of nostalgia. It was a fabulous retreat, the best place I could possibly have been after such an accident. I sat with a Burmese sayadaw - U-Tejaniya, he has what appears to be a far more liberated approach to vipassana, I feel my practice has taken a completely new turn - it's lighter and more easily incorporated into daily life - not such a separation between retreat time and my regular activities.
Now of course, I'm thinking of going to Burma to sit with him some more.
As you can tell, I'm not in England. My trip which I was so looking forward to had to be cancelled. So many things fell through and on top of everything else I understand England right now is over-the-top expensive and I just couldn't afford an expensive holiday right on top of being away for three weeks.
I only had the rental car for six weeks so at the moment I'm car-less which is not such a sacrifice living in Manhattan but it does affect the summer activities since I won't be able to get out of the city so easily. Hopefully, I'll be able to get another automobile soon so I can go further afield to ride!
Lots more to say...but enough for now. |
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With Love,
Lorna |
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6/14/2007
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Lorna Kelly
"Write that book for the Glory of God
and the Good of people"
- Mother Teresa
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