Jan 21, 2008, JANUARY 21, 2008

Hello Everybody, I am so touched that so many of you ask for updates on my health status and am grateful my friends entered reports on this website when I was so ill and couldn't do so myself. It is hard to believe that I truly almost died during my last visit to the hospital, I was really on the edge there for a while, but I guess it just wasn't my time. I remember when my heart started to give out, I was with this wonderful male nurse, Danny, and I said to him, "I'm going aren't I? I can feel myself slipping away." And he said, "Not on my watch you're not!" I really can't possibly take a proper inventory of myself for another three - six months, things are constantly changing. I'm still in the recovery stage. And although I feel fine, I'm not. I get breathless very easily - my heart has been compromised from the chemo, but it's a muscle and can recover somewhat, I'm taking gentle yoga to help that process. It seems to me that I'm now constantly at the doctor's office getting blood taken so that the levels can be judged to get the blood thinners correct. My biggest challenge is to rest. It seems so difficult to make myself rest especially in New York where there's so much pulling at me and so much to do. A friend has invited me out to Long Island for a few days and then in mid-February another friend is making arrangements for me to visit her in Naples, Florida for a week so that I can just sit around, soak up the sun and read!!! Back in early December, just after my first hospital visit, John Barrett, a dear friend, had a fund-raising luncheon for me at his beautiful apartment. I felt madly awkward about the whole thing, but he made it all so easy and wonderful and at least a hundred people came, and people who weren't there sent in contributions - it was quite something. It was such a great time and all sorts of different people from different aspects of my life made wonderful connections and everyone had a great time. But for me it was another exercise in surrender: it is one thing to be on the receiving end of a nice wooley hat but quite something else to be on the receiving end of a check! However, I can't be so grand as to say it wasn't necessary, I really needed the funds and for now at least, I don't have a financial worry hanging over my head. I am so, so, so grateful for John for ploughing ahead with his plan and for all of you who did contribute. Another huge relief has been to finally address my Last Will and Testament. I remember when I worked at Sotheby's seeing the mess created when people died without a Will. It's something I've been meaning to do for years and I am finally doing it - the lawyer gave me a draft the other day and so by the end of this week it should be completed - I will feel so much tidier and in order, once that's done, and I think it gives one a sense of freedom too. Well that's about it from me for now. Thank you all once again, I must say - I know I keep repeating it - but it is so heartwarming to receive your cards, calls, e-mails and good wishes. Oh....my hair is growing back - hooray.