Mar 31, 2008, LONG OVERDUE UPDATE

This being the season of Resurrection, I think it rather fitting that I should be experiencing my own resurrection at this time. I truly don’t believe I had any idea just how ill I was for the past eight months, or how dreadful I was feeling. It’s only now, feeling so markedly better, that I can experience the difference. Not only do I feel better physically, but I have also regained a spark of hope about the future – looking at life ahead of me as an adventure rather than something to endure. I hadn’t realized I had lost my sense of spiritual energy until it surged back in a different way. There are of course many factors contributing to this overall sense of well being – for one, spring is just around the corner and the evenings are drawing out again. In early March I spent a week with my dear friend Nanette and her husband in Naples, Florida, right on the Gulf of Mexico. I had a very sweet time just resting, dipping in the pool and going for strolls along the shell-laden beach; I have never, in all my life, seen so many shells, and so varied. It was also such a break to be in a warm climate and to have my eyes resting on natural beauty rather than being in the cold and concrete of New York in March. Nanette and I had some enlightening conversations – it was interesting being around her because she has an unusual sense of abundance, it’s not possible to explain exactly what it is, it’s all in her attitude. Watching her day-to-day interactions was really interesting and I learned a lot - I have always viewed myself as living quite freely and with a sense of generosity towards myself and others but I was able to see another, finer dimension of abundance – it’s a subtle difference but it’s there. I can see living that way allows one to experience a whole new sense of freedom, so I made a decision to attempt to gain that depth for myself, it’s not always easy to see the opportunities for change since it’s such an elusive quality, but I certainly intend to try to break old habits. When I returned home I immediately hired a personal assistant to help me with all my book orders and desk work and whatever else arises. Already I feel the difference – getting used to this new type of freedom, and using it wisely will take practice but I’m determined to live in a more adventurous way and not so bogged down with “stuff.” After Naples I returned to New York for a few days before embarking on a Caribbean cruise which made stops at St. Maarten, San Juan & St. Thomas. I was the guest speaker for a small sober group on board a ship of 3,700 passengers! It was wonderful, I had a great time meeting up with new and old friends and having a built-in family on board. I had no notion of how gi-normous modern cruise ships are – ours was four city blocks long. It had absolutely everything you could imagine even an ice rink and a rock-climbing wall – not that I used either. There were so many activities to participate in but apart from a stretching class every morning, I mostly, ate, lounged around on deck and read. I’m sure breathing in all that marvelous sea air did wonders for my soul and body. I certainly have it in mind to go on a sober cruise again I thought it was fantastic. I haven’t been back on a horse yet, my limbs are still a little weak; however, it’s now been two whole months since the difribulator was inserted and I can start exercising again – I am able to walk quite easily without tiring and as soon as the weather turns warmer, I’m getting on a horse! I just rejoined the health club, and this morning, for the first time in simply ages, I went swimming. Since I’m a prime candidate for lymphedema, swimming is the very best exercise – I’ll never be able to dash up and down the pool again doing lap after lap, I’ll have to learn to be content with gentle breast-stroke. Another factor which has helped my mood enormously is that I have returned to my cushion and started sitting again. I have really missed my meditation practice – it simply seemed to dissolve – but the benefits of all those years of practice have surely manifested themselves through this ordeal. I am going again to the Forest Refuge in May to sit for two weeks – it will mark exactly a year since this whole saga began with that hideous car wreck I had when I was on my way to the Forest Refuge last year. The movie Sex in the City is due to premiere in late May – I am sure I will have been left on the cutting-room floor but my voice will certainly be heard. Next week I’m to be at a benefit where Miranda is being honored and all the “girls” will be there – it’ll be interesting to hook up with them all again, the last time we were together was on the set, way back in September. So…my overall health is much improved, I’m still taking lots of medications; I have a brilliant, new female cardiologist; my oncologist who was seeing me almost every week now wants to see me only once a month and my hair is growing back – it’s coming in thick and curly. Of course I’m not out of the woods completely – and in my case the cancer could roar back again any time but since all of us can only live one-day-at-a-time I have to say that in this day I’m well, interested in life, and happy. I continue to be the recipient of so much love and care. Thank you so much for all your cards, phone calls, e-mails, gifts, flowers, checks – I apologize if I have not been able to respond to everyone but you must know I am truly humbled by all the kindness poured onto me and am very, very grateful.