May 5, 2008, TUMBLE

Just a quick update: I had been feeling on-top-of-the-world three to four weeks ago. In fact I was feeling so good, so much better than I had in a long, long time that I called the riding school and booked a lesson - so eager was I to get back on a horse. After I had made the booking, I left the apartment and promptly fell down the stairs. My foot slipped out from under me and I went down the marble stairs on my coccyx. It totally knocked the breath out of me. I hurt myself badly although X-rays revealled there was no serious injury, but the pain was dreadful and relentless. For a couple of weeks I couldn't stand up or sit down without yelling out. I also sprained my right wrist trying to save myself. Of course there's nothing can be done for these sort of injuries - they just take time to heal. Others who have had similar accidents assure me it will get better in time. In the meantime it is so debilitating. This is not the first time I've fallen on the stairs, but I always thought it was my fault - that I was in too much of a hurry or some-such. However, this time I was walking down and holding on to the rail. Later, after asking around I came to find out that others have slipped on them. I have since inspected the stairs carefully and discoverd: they are chipped along the edges, they are different heights, and the width of each step can vary as much as two inches - in other words, they're extremely dangerous. The building is over a hundred years old, so the stairs are not up to code. Anyway I have reported the problem to the City Housing Authority so hopefully they can be fixed before someone breaks their neck. It's strange - all the horrors I've been through this past year, all the pain and sickness endured, and yet it was simply the last straw, I just couldn't stop crying - I'd burst into tears at the drop-of-a-hat and I felt such despair with feelings "I'm never going to get out from under this cloud." Last weekend I had to speak in West Virginia - I would have cancelled not relishing the thought of sitting on a plane for hours, but a dear, dear friend, who I haven't seen in ages was driving up from North Carolina to meet me - I so wanted to see her that I made myself go. I was glad she was there since although my talk went well and everyone seemed to enjoy it, the rest of the time I kept crying with the pain and so it was good to have someone familiar with me. This week the pain has subsided enormously but it's still there and my right hand is weak - I won't be getting on a horse any time soon. However, I will be going on retreat for two weeks starting on May 10th which will mark exactly a year since on that hideous car crash on the way to that same retreat - the event that got the cancer in my breasts stimulated. Please keep me in your thoughts throughout the time of the retreat and be assured of my good wishes being beamed to all. Feeling more hopeful.