Dec 28, 2008, END OF THIS YEAR

What a year it's been, not only for me personally but for the world and especially in America. At the beginning of 2008 I was truly near death, I had spent Christmas in hospital and was to make two more visits. My road to recovery from the evil effects of the chemo was very trying and in the middle of it I fell down the stairs and really hurt myself. Then of course there's been the lastest mishap: the breaking of my right knee and tendon. But, now I'm doing physical therapy and I can actually walk without a limp and can go up stairs properly - I can't walk down yet, still have to go one-at-a-time but I'm improving every day.

Yes, it has been quite a dreadful year physically but in many ways it's been one of the best years of my life. I've had many insights, I've been surrounded by lots of love and wonderful people and I want for nothing.

I had a near-miss with alcohol recently - I was at a rather smart dinner party. I was the only one not drinking and I felt the urge to pick up the red wine very strongly. AA flew out the window, I had no great sense of why I don't drink, in fact I knew I was going to pick it up. It is said that there are times when there is nothing that stands between us and the drink except our Higher Power. I went on automatic, slowly put down my knife and fork, pushed myself just very slightly away from the table and stayed in the moment. My Higher Power - which was 32 years of meetings - took over and the hideous urge passed. The disease had come slithering across the table, around the silver candelabra, over the crystal goblets and the fine porcelain and stared me directly in the eyes. I wasn't atall frightened at the time, I was quite willing to throw away all that I have for a sip of wine! What a powerful, insideous and patient disease! Now, I'm horrified and very frightened but in many ways it was such a blessing. It underscores yet again, that alcoholism isn't something I had back in '76, it's something I have today.

This incident has stirred in me a desire to re-up and recommit, in a radical way to the first step. I cannot be around alcohol. I have nothing to prove but a lot to loose and there's no situation worth my putting myself in that sort of position again.

I have just been given one of the best gifts ever - I am sponsoring a man who picked up again after 19 years of sobriety. He says he was the most surprized person that he drank again, he thought he would never, ever drink. It's rare that he's back - usually when people pick up after 10 years of sobriety they don't get back - they might be sitting on a chair in an AA meeting but they don't get back. He says that he wants to convey the message to others not to feel so comfortable and secure in their sobriety.

I am so hoping that 2009 will be mishap free for me, India is in my plans - I already have my ticket for March - can hardly wait. I'm meeting up with a friend in Pune and I'll see a part of India I've never been before. I'm one of those English people who have a great affinity with India. Whenever I leave, I always think I never will go back - but then the urge to return starts building.

I'm taking a very quick cruise to the Bahamas for a weekend at the end of January - it will be a sober sisters cruise, should be a lot of fun.

I will also be going to Washington in January, along with five million others, to see Obama be sworn in as President. What a job he has ahead of him!

I wish him and all of us a safe and protected 2009 filled with compassion and health.